Let Go, I'll Catch You
by ColorMeChaotic132
Summary: Bella Swan is a Junior in high school, and the secrets she keeps from everyone make her hate her life and herself. When former student Edward Cullen comes back to school, Bella finds out that his secrets are much greater than hers, and Edward is much more than he seems. AU/AH/BxE/CANON/LEMONS


**Hey, everyone! New story – let me know what you think, please!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**BPOV**

I kicked my bed covers off, knowing I would never make it out of bed if I didn't do it quickly. I missed the white, warm, puffiness surrounding me, but - oh, joy - I have school. Note the sarcasm.

I stared into my closet and let out a long sigh. What the heck should I wear?

Well, at least I get to see Alice. Alice and I have been best friends since I moved to Northern New Jersey in fourth grade. She was the first person to actually talk to me, and we pretty much do everything together now. Since I'm an only child, Alice is the closest thing I have to a sister. She knows everything about me. Well, almost everything. No one - and I mean, no one - knows why I almost always have a bruise somewhere on my body. And I like it that way. No one needs to know. It's not even a big deal anymore. So I just tell people I walk into random things and they believe me.

I'm still looking into my closet, and yeah, I know I have a lot of clothes, but I can never seem to find anything to wear. I opt for denim shorts and a white tank top. I put on my eyeliner and mascara, put my hair up in a messy bun, and look at myself in the full-length mirror hanging from the back of my door.

My pink bra was visible through my shirt, and probably my shorts would be considered too short for school, but I didn't give a crap. People could call me a whore or slut all they wanted. I like sex, and I will have sex however many times I want with however many people I want to have it with. It's my body and my life - not anybody else's. That being said, I've slept with a total of six guys. Two were boyfriends, the rest were...not. But what difference does it make how many people I've slept with? No one gives my ex shit for sleeping around. Men are allowed to be sexual, but women aren't?

I slipped my feet into my flip-flops, grabbed my bookbag and phone, and made my way downstairs.

I took a banana from the fruit bowl and mumbled a "bye" to my dad, Charlie. He raised his eyes an inch from his newspaper, gave me the once over, and went back to his paper without so much as a nod. Dick.

I walked into the early September air and let the warmth surround me as I walked to Alice's house. She lived one block away, and our high school was another four blocks.

"Oh, my God. My mom is driving me insane," Alice said as she skipped down the front steps of her house. "How many times do I have to tell her that I don't want any breakfast before it gets through to her head?"

I laughed as we walked. It's the only thing I could do when she complained about things like this. I wish these were the problems I had with my parents. I hadn't seen my mom in six years, but that was fine with me, because she was such a bitter person, always putting me down about everything. She had to work long hours to support herself, so the courts never let her have joint or full custody of me. My dad is...basically, the Devil. I wish my problems with him were that he was forcing me to eat breakfast. But we don't get to choose our family.

"You know Mr. Clearwater is going to send you home for being dressed that way, right?" Alice asks as we make our way to the school's entrance.

"Great," I beam at her. "Then I'll have the rest of the day to do whatever I want to."

She rolls her eyes and opens the door.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a bad student. I just don't see getting detention or being sent home as a big deal. It doesn't go on a person's permanent record. And what's the big deal about dressing a certain way? Because it "provokes" the guys? What the hell? Why don't they teach men to treat women with respect whether or not the woman dresses provocatively? Teach men not to rape instead of teaching women how to avoid being raped. Stop blaming the victim. God. Alright, fuck, I can't get into this right now. I have the first day of school to get through.

Besides, maybe I like the attention I get from guys. Well, until they talk to me. Then they all sound like idiots. Except for Jake. Jacob Black…

I sat down in the third row of seats in my homeroom class, right by the wall. Alice sat next to me and I watched everyone file in slowly. The students of John Valley High School are either in a clique, or loners. Very few people are friends with everybody, and even fewer people are genuine friends to anybody. That's why Alice and a few select others are the only person I trust in this school.

I was put into this homeroom last year because of some glitch in the school's computer system. I'm the only person here whose last name doesn't begin with the letter B or C. It's cool with me, though. I get to be with Alice. The only thing I hate is that I have to see my ex more than necessary. It's bad enough that we hang out with the same group of people.

And just like that, on cue, he walks in and sits behind me.

"Hey, babe," his deep voice bellows.

My heart melts at his voice…but, ugh...How many times do I have to tell him not to call me that anymore? I turn around and smile. "Hi, Jake."

"How was your summer?"

You tell me. You saw me almost every week at parties and shit. "Good. Yours?"

"Good," he smiles his wide smile. His teeth look whiter than usual, and his skin darker, almost an olive color.

"Good." I smile and turn around, rolling my eyes so only Alice can see.

Everyone quiets down as Ms. Carlson, our homeroom teacher, begins taking attendance. This is another part of homeroom I hate, because I don't get to talk to Alice. We keep quiet as Ms. Carlson takes attendance, and the class erupts in chatter after the last name is called.

Alice turned to me at the same time Jake began talking to me again. "Oh, my God, Bella –"

"Bells, I wanted to –" Jake interrupts Alice.

Alice put her hand up in front of his face, silencing him. "Hush."

Jake's eyes bugged out as he put his head down and started scribbling on the cover of his notebook.

"Alice...that was harsh," I whispered as I turned to her.

"Ugh, who cares?" She rolled her eyes. "It was _harsh _when you two were dating and he fucked Victoria Summers behind your back."

A few people turned to look at us and I turned to look at Victoria sitting in the back corner before I glared at Alice and slid down in my seat. Thank God Victoria didn't seem to hear her. "That was forever ago," I mumbled.

Alice narrowed her eyes a fraction. "It was five months ago."

I didn't want to think about it. It still made me cry. It was the worst heartbreak I'd had, and if Jake wanted to be nice to me, I'd be nice to him. I didn't want drama with him. It still killed me to think about what he did with Victoria last year, and as much as I wanted to take him back when he begged me to, I knew I'd never be able to trust him again. I mean, how could I? I trusted him with my life after dating for a year, and he went and pulled that stunt like I was nothing at all. He was dating Victoria now, and I knew he still wanted to be with me, but it could never work between us anymore.

And if I was being honest with myself, it made me sad to think that we couldn't be together anymore. I still wanted him, despite what he did with Victoria.

I looked at Jacob, almost pouting at the way he was furiously scribbling on his notebook. He looked so cute with his brows furrowed and his eyes so focused. He looked kind of sad, and I tore my eyes away to look at Alice.

"Alice..." I whined.

"Ugh, Bella, fuck him!" She whisper-yelled.

"Fuck _her_," I mumbled. "Fucking whore." I hated Victoria. I hated her! _Okay, Bella, relax. You've come too far to let this drag you down again. Besides, a girl can do what she wants and dress how she wants. No girl is a whore, right? _Shut up. I wanted to roll my eyes at my stupid brain. I don't care what I said before about women being able to dress a certain way. It's fine when I dress that way – _not_ when Victoria or any other girl with Jacob does.

The bell rang and everyone scrambled to get out. Jake bolted out before anyone else, and my heart dropped into my stomach. I could imagine the red flecks flickering in the brown of his eyes, a telltale sign of his anger. But what hurt me the most was seeing him get sad over the conversation Alice and I were having.

"He's just as guilty as she is, girly," Alice quipped as we parted ways. I went to my locker as she went to hers, and turned the combination of the lock without even thinking about it. Some things become second nature after three years. I turned my head to see Victoria and Jake making out at the end of the hallway. ...And some things don't. _Gag._

I turned to look behind me at Alice, whose locker was just across the hall from mine. She hadn't seen Jake, but I knew the look of disgust she would've given me if she had. In case you hadn't noticed, Alice hates Jake because of the mess I became when I found out about him and Victoria.

As I closed my locker, I let out a yelp and quickly covered my mouth. There was a tall boy getting books from the locker to the right of mine, but no one had used that locker since freshman year, two years ago. He was dressed in a black fitted t-shirt and black jeans with all-black Converse sneakers. The complete opposite of Jacob, I noted. Jake always wore bright or light-colored clothing, and I loved that.

_Ugh, stop thinking about Jake._

Locker Boy looked at me and I flinched back against his piercing violet gaze. They must be making _really_nice contacts nowadays. He seemed to be amused by my reaction. "Dick," I mumbled as I turned around to go to Alice's locker.

"So do you wanna come over after school?" She asked as she tucked a piece of her short pixie-cut hair behind her ear.

"Definitely." I'm always willing to be anywhere but home. I mean, my room is my favorite place in the world, but I don't always like being at home.

Alice made her way to her class as I walked upstairs to go to mine. People stared at my outfit as I walked, and I couldn't help but tell a few of them off.

I took my regular seat at the back corner of my Chemistry class, and put my books on the seat next to mine. The desks in this classroom were shared desks. Each desk had two chairs, but luckily, I didn't share my desk with anyone because there were an odd number of students in class. I opened my notebook and began writing the date at the top of page.  
Someone came over to my desk and when I looked up, my face fell. Why is Locker Boy in this class? And why is he over here?

Ugh. I put my backpack on the floor so he could sit down next to me.

Why does this new year have to start off like crap?

Neither one of us said a word to each other until halfway through the class when I caught him staring at me. I stared back and forced myself not to look away or flinch back from the intense glare of his eyes this time.

I was surprised to see that he was looking into my eyes, not at my body.

Until he took a glance at my legs before looking away.

"Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer," I whispered with a raised eyebrow. He smirked at me before turning back to his notebook. "Why are you dressed like?" I asked as I looked down at his outfit. It was then that I realized how built his body was. Nothing like any of the other guys at our school. They were all pretty scrawny. Except for Jake. But Locker Boy was even bigger than him. His shoulders and back were broad, and his arms muscular, his forearm flexing as he took down notes. "Are you emo?"

He let out a small laugh as he continued writing.

"Do you ever talk?"

"Sure I do," he whispered.

I was caught off guard by how smooth his voice sounded, even as a whisper. And damn, he smelled good. _Get a grip, Bella_. "So are you emo or gothic or something?"

He turned to me then, and looked me up and down. "Are you a whore or a slut or something?" He asked with a small smile.

My eyes bugged out of my head as my jaw dropped. "Ex_cuse _me?!" Who did this guy think he was?

"Ms. _Swan_!"

I jumped and turned in my seat at Dr. Banner's booming voice. "But he-" I tried to explain as I pointed at Locker Boy.

"I didn't see Mr. Cullen do anything, Ms. Swan. You're the last person I expect to cause a problem in class, so I will let this one slide." Mr. _Cullen_?

"Sorry, Dr. Banner," I sighed.

Dr. Banner was a hard-ass, and gave out detentions asif they were candy on Halloween and Halloween was every day. Detention is nothing new to me, but I behave as much as I can in class. Especially this one, because Banner teaches Chemistry as if we were college students.

He went back to writing on the blackboard and I squinted at Mr. Cullen or whatever the fuck his name was. "See what you did?"

He chuckled to himself and seemed to be more interested in what Banner was saying.

Who did this guy come off as, thinking he could call me a whore and then get me in trouble?

Whatever.

I waited impatiently for class to end so I could jet out of there and away from Locker Boy as quickly as possible.

But of course my day had to get worse. Annoying Locker Boy was in my next class, too. Honors Literature.

Thank God there were a handful of empty seats, so he didn't sit next to me. None of the teachers even introduced him to the classes. But then again, this was high school, not second grade.

My seat was in the middle of the class, and Locker Boy sat two seats to my right.

I turned to my left when one of my best friends sat next to me. _Yes_, I have class with Emmett. "Hey, Em."

"Hey, Bells. Excited for the new school year?"

"Yeah," I said sarcastically with an eye roll.

Emmett McCarty is a tall stocky guy, and we've been friends since the fourth grade. He had a wide-set build, but he was like a giant teddy bear. The sweetest guy ever.

"Um...why is Edward Cullen staring at you?" Em asked warily as he looked over my shoulder.

My heart did a little leap at the familiar last name, and I almost scowled at myself for the reaction.

I turned my head to look at Locker Boy and couldn't help but erupt. "Stop looking at me!"

His eyes widened a fraction and he looked to the front of the class with that annoying chuckle of his.

The classroom had pretty much filled up at this point, and Mr. Caius was just walking in. "Isabella, please keep your voice down, and please be nice to your peers," he said nonchalantly.

Mr. Caius was pretty young, probably in his thirties, so he was nowhere near as strict as Banner. Actually, he was pretty cool. He's helped me a lot in the past when I needed someone to talk to.

I glared at Em as he began laughing, and I was aware of Locker Boy's laughs as well.

What had Emmett said his name was? Edward? Whatever.

The rest of the period went by fairly quickly, considering all I did was pass notes back and forth with Em. Oh, and do a worksheet on the book Beowulf.

I only had U.S. History after this class, and then lunch. Lunch was obviously my favorite period. I had it with all my best friends.

History dragged on and on. I didn't have that class with any of my friends, but finally, it was time for lunch. I put my books away in my locker as quickly as possible and grabbed my wallet and phone before walking into the cafeteria. I sat down and waited for Alice, getting up to meet her halfway when she walked in. We waited on line for our less than appetizing food, and made our way back to our usual seats, where Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were sitting. Rosalie Hale was Em's girlfriend, and Jasper Whitlock was Alice's love. Well, not exactly. He was our friend, and Alice was crazy about him. She was too scared to tell him how she felt, but it was so obvious that he liked her.

When I saw them or Rose and Em together, it made me miss those early days with Jacob. When we were just getting to know each other better, before we were even officially dating. How ironic that he cheated on me. He was always worried that I was going to cheat on him, because I saw sex as more casual than he did. But then, maybe he kept bringing up me cheating on him, because he was cheating on me. Guys are so stupid, sometimes.

Why couldn't I just find a guy like Em? He was the closest thing to a perfect guy, and he was with Rosalie, the closest thing to a perfect girl. She looked like a real-life Barbie with her hot body and long platinum-blonde hair. I held my own hair in my hands and look at it. Blah. Brown. I looked down at my body. I wasn't overweight or even close, but my body was so plain and petite compared to Rose's. She literally had an hourglass shape. I was lucky that I had enough boob to show a little bit of cleavage. Not to mention the ugly bruises on my stomach and back.

_Snap out of it, Bella_. This was not the time or place to be thinking about these things. I didn't want to cry and have people think that I was crying for no reason.

I vaguely heard Rosalie telling Alice and I about a party at her house this Friday – which was tomorrow. Her parents were away on vacation, and she was inviting our whole class. Hennessy, the first week of school always made me tired and I just wanted to rest this weekend, but I know Alice would drag me to the party, even if I said I didn't want to go. So I said I'd be there.

"Great! I'm so excited! I already bought decorations for the backyard," Rosalie said excitedly.

"Bells, do you want to come with me after school on Friday to help Rose decorate?"

I turned to Alice with a mouthful of pizza, and swallowed quickly before answering. "Definitely." I loved decorating.

But then I remembered that I had softball practice after school tomorrow. This year was not starting off well…

Emmett said he would barbecue for us, and when I turned to look at him, I saw Locker Boy over his shoulder. He was sitting two tables behind ours, facing us, staring at me. He kept looking at me as he took a bite of his sandwich.

"That's it," I mumbled under my breath as I stood up.

"Uhhh, Bella?" I heard Alice say worriedly.

"Don't try to stop me, Alice," I said a little too forcefully as I pushed my chair back and made my way over to this annoying-as-fuck kid.

Locker Boy watched me as I marched over to his table, which, I noted, was empty except for him and his food tray.

"What is your fucking problem?!" I yelled before I could stop myself. He sat there, bemused, as I continued. Of course, by this point, everyone was staring. "Why have you been staring at me all day?!" I waited for an answer, but all I got was his fucking smirk as he crossed his arms. "Is it because I'm so hot?" I said, trying to sound cocky.

He looked me up and down and shook his head, still smirking. "No," he said, almost laughing. What a fucking dick. Before he could say anything else, someone behind me interrupted.

"Hey, Bella. If you don't want people staring, don't dress like a whore."

I turned around in horror at the familiar voice. The room was completely silent. I stared at Jacob, frozen in place. "That isn't a reason to treat someone like an animal, you douchebag. And I didn't hear you complaining when I was sucking your dick." Oh, my God, Bella. Stop talking!

But I didn't stop. I turned to his girlfriend and said the only thing I could think of. "Have fun with my sloppy seconds. He started to get rusty in bed toward the end of our relationship, so you might want to go easy on him."

Then I did the only thing I knew how. I ran from the situation. Ms. Carlson was also our lunch chaperone, and I heard her and Alice calling my name, each for different reasons, but I didn't stop. I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown, but I couldn't let myself have a breakdown in school. I left the cafeteria and made my way upstairs to Mr. Caius's class. I'd gone to his classroom a few times before when things in school got to be too much. He didn't judge, and he made me feel more comfortable than the school psychologist.

By the time I reached Mr. Caius's classroom, my tears were flowing nonstop from my humiliation of what had happened in the cafeteria. My day had been bad enough having to deal with seeing Jake everywhere. I didn't need Edward Cullen's additional annoyance.

I knocked on the open classroom door, and Mr. Caius's face turned to one of worry when he saw me. "Isabella, what happened?"

"Please don't call me that," I sniffled as I sat at a desk in front of his.

"Sorry. Bella. What's wrong?" He handed me the box of tissues on his desk and I took them willingly.

I explained the whole cafeteria scenario to him, while ripping up a tissue into tiny pieces. I couldn't look at him. I knew I'd acted immaturely.

"Wait," Mr. Caius said as his brow furrowed. "Who's Locker Boy?"

"Oh. That's Edward." I had stopped crying, but still felt the humiliation and anger from before. How could Jake say what he said? Wasn't _he _the one trying to get back with _me_?

"Cullen?"

I look up, forgetting where I was. "Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "I can't believe it's the first day back and a new kid is causing so many problems."

"Well," he said as he stood up and reached down to open his drawer and take out a few Twizzlers. He walked to the front of his desk and leaned back against it with his arms crossed over his chest. "Edward isn't exactly a new student. And he didn't cause all of this, Bella. You know that."

"Whose side are you on?" I asked as I ate the candy he gave me.

"I don't choose sides," he said, holding his hands up.

"Wait. What do you mean, he's not new?"

"Don't you remember Edward during your freshman year?"

"Um...no?" Man, this candy tastes amazing. I love Twizzlers.

"He was a student here while you were in ninth grade. He was a sophomore. But he left last year and came back this year."

"Oh. Why?" I guess that explains why he's in my grade now. He missed a year and got left back. Why would someone need to leave for just one year?

"I can't tell you that. Student confidentiality."

"Ugh, come on, Mr. Caius. It's not like I'm gonna tell anybody."

"Oh, and a Miss Alice Brandon wouldn't find out in .02 seconds?" He cocked a brow.

"No," I squinted at him. Of course I'd tell Alice. I told her almost everything that happened in my life, and everything I knew. But it would stay between she and I.

He looked up at the clock hanging on the back wall, and pushed himself off the desk. "There's no crime in looking at someone, Bella. Other girls would be flattered."

Yeah...except Locker Boy basically called me ugly. "I'd rather..." Have Jacob look at me.

"What?"

"I miss Jake," I sighed. Oh, my God. I didn't need to spill my heart out to my teacher.

"Bella, I'm in no position to give you any kind of love advice, but Jake isn't as great as he tries to come off. Believe me on that."

"I know," I snorted. "I witnessed it firsthand." Everyone knew what had happened between Jake and myself. Even the teachers. Even the substitute teachers. "I just miss..."

"The cute stuff you guys used to do together?"

"Yes! Exactly. How did you know?"

"We've all been through relationships and break-ups. Someone else will come along that will make him look like complete crap. By the way, none of this gets repeated. If word gets out that I'm bad-mouthing a student..."

"I promise, Mr. Caius. I wouldn't tell anyone." Honesty, I wouldn't even tell Alice this. I couldn't risk getting Mr. Caius in trouble.

"You should be heading to your next class. But remember what I said. Jacob isn't even close to the greatest guy out there, and you do deserve spleen better." He sounds like Alice. "And there are worse things that could happen than having Edward Cullen stare at you. And good luck with Mr. Clearwater, dressed like that."

I ignored that last comment. He gave me another Twizzlers and turned to get back to his seat.

"Thanks, Mr. Caius."

"Anytime, Isa- Bella."

"I mean it, Mr. Caius. You're the only adult I can talk to freely."

"I'm here anytime you need to talk."

"Thanks," I said with a smile. I really did like talking to him. I wish my dad was one tenth of what Mr. Caius was. Then maybe I wouldn't mind being at my own house more. It amazed me how much teachers could mean to students. But don't get the wrong idea. Obviously I only see him as my teacher.

As I made my way into the hallway filled with students, I dreaded all the whispering I knew I'd hear and the stares I would get.

And the students at this school didn't disappoint. Did people have no shame? Students that I didn't even know I were pointing at me and whispering to their friends. All I did was yell at someone.

None of my friends were in my next two classes, which was fine with me. I needed some time to relax.

I went to my locker before the last class of the day, and my stomach dropped when I saw Locker Boy at his locker. What if he laughs at me? Or gets mad at me?

I went to my locker and opened it as quickly as I could. To my surprise, he didn't say anything to me. He didn't even look at me. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and made his way down the hall. I grabbed my gym clothes, closed the locker door, and made my way to my next class, right behind Locker Boy.

He looked even taller from behind, and his back looked broader. I liked the way his light brown hair was just long enough to come to a downward point at the nape of his neck, and I felt my lips pull up into a small smile when I noticed a beauty mark to the left of that downward point.

The way he walked was so...smooth. Almost as if he was floating.

Oh, my God. What is wrong with me? I wiped the smile from my face as quickly as possible.

My face fell even further when I realized he was going to the gym. Can I catch a break, please? I didn't want to spend my second favorite class with him, too. I felt like whining and quickly stopped myself as he turned left to go into the boy's locker room, and I turned walked toward the girls' locker room at the opposite side of the vast room.

Everyone was almost done getting dressed, so I threw my shorts and t-shirt on before shoving all my stuff in a locker and making my way into the gym.

Everyone was already seated on the wooden floor, in lines. Coach Aro let us sit anywhere we wanted, as long as we sat in lines of seven. There were about forty people in the class. _Yesss_. I saw Emmett and Alice sitting toward the back of one line, and the spot behind Em was empty. Perfect.

I started walking toward them, when I saw Locker Boy walk out of the locker room. He was eyeing my spot! _OH, HELL NO_.

I picked up my pace, and that's when he saw me. He quickly looked away and picked up his pace as well, and then I started running to the empty spot. I came to a halt and plopped down behind Emmett, glad I got my little spot. Locker Boy was still walking, looking calm and collected. I noticed everyone - including Alice and Em - was staring at me, but I couldn't care less. I wasn't going to let this kid take my place.

I started talking to Alice and Em, and Locker Boy walked past me, only to sit in the empty spot next to mine. He started talking to Emmett. Was this a joke? First the locker next to mine, and now the spot in gym next to mine.

With Emmett between Alice and I, I asked her, as quietly as possible, how Locker Boy knew Em. She just shrugged, and Coach Are called everyone to stand up and begin their jumping jacks. We always warmed up before we started the day's activities. After the jumping jacks, it was on to sit-ups, and then push-ups.

I was hyper-aware of his body flexing next to mine as we did our push-ups, and couldn't help but turn my head to sneak a peek. The way his body was just moving up and down...I quickly saw an image of my body under his - Holy crap. I shook the image from my head and continued my gaze up his body. I found him looking at me when I reached his eyes, and as much as I wanted to look away, I couldn't break away from the glistening violet color I felt myself blush as I forced myself to continue my push-ups. We were having some sort if staring contest and I saw his tongue peek out to run over his bottom lip as he cocked his eyebrow.

"Why are you looking at me?" He whispered with that stupid smirk he had.

His question caught me off guard, and before I could compose myself, I felt my elbow give out and I fell on my side. Thank God I was in back. No one saw me except for Em, who turned around when he heard the thud over Coach's voice. I saw his body shake with laughter as he turned back around to the front of the room, and I turned to see Locker Boy snickering to himself as everyone finished up their push-ups.

Asshole. He distracted me on purpose with that stupid tongue and that line. I rubbed my forearm and looked at it. Eh, it was scraped, but I've had worse during softball.

He turned to me as he pushed himself up to his feet. "I know Em because we played basketball together freshman year."

I was caught off guard again, and replied with the amazing answer of, "Oh." I guess I wasn't as quiet as I'd thought before.

He turned to walk toward the other guys in the class. Girls and boys were playing separately today, because we were playing football, and we would probably die if the guys hit us full-force.

I saw Alice coming up to me and quickly looked to where Edward was walking. And then my stomach flew into my mouth. Jacob was standing with the group of guys. How had I missed him before? He looked at me and gave a little wave and smile, but I didn't know how to take it with what he had said to me earlier during lunch.

I looked at Edward, and almost smiled at him, but caught myself in time. He took a quick look at me and dropped his head as he followed the group of boys walking outside to the football field.

"Don't even look his way, Bella."

I turned to Alice at the sound of her voice. "Don't look who's way?" I felt myself blush.

"Jake's."

"Oh."

"Who'd you think I meant?" She asked as we started walking toward the dark green double doors as well.

"Jake." I tried to seem indifferent.

"You're such a liar!" She laughed. "You totally thought I was talking about Edward." My eyes darted all around us and my heart leapt at his name.

"Alice!" I hissed. "Shh! Someone's gonna hear you. And I wasn't even thinking about him."

"Yeah right, Bella. I saw you two have a moment before."

"Shut up," I mumbled. I didn't have a freaking 'moment' with Locker Boy. I dragged my feet as I followed Alice out the door, and even as I forced myself to think against it, I knew I'd be watching the guys play all period.

After gym, I rushed to my locker to get out of school as soon as possible and get to Alice's house. Luckily, I didn't see Locker Boy at all. Being around him was...I don't know. It just made me feel weird.

I met Alice at her locker, and we made our way outside.

I looked up at the sky and spread my arms. "Ah...freedom."

"Today wasn't THAT bad, Bells."

"No, it wasn't. It was worse." I was just glad school was over.

"Do you wanna get Starbucks before we go to my house?"

"Of course." Starbucks was my drug. And I guess sex could be added onto that list, too.

But when we walked into the cafe, I didn't want to be there anymore. "Ohmigod." I froze dead in my tracks.

"What?"

"Locker Boy."

Alice followed my gaze to where the baristas were making drinks. "Ohhh...you mean Lover Boy."

"Stop! How would you feel if I said stuff like that about Jasper?"

"You do say stuff like that...and I love it!" She beamed at me as she made her way over to the register. I followed reluctantly.

Alice got a coffee and I got my regular - a peppermint white mocha.

I looked everywhere but at Locker Boy as I waited for my drink. How did he get hear so quickly, anyway? And then I remembered - he's a year older than us, which means he drives. I wonder what kind of care he has...

And then I realized that Alice was talking to me.

"...and he'll be there tomorrow with Victoria, so be prepared. Stay strong and don't let him get to you. Okay?"

I'm guessing she's talking about Jacob. "Okay," I nodded. Suddenly, I felt like crying, so I turned away from Alice. But that meant I had to face Locker Boy. After a few more minutes, I reached for my drink as he was passing it over, and gasped at the small shock I felt when our fingers touched.

He pulled his hand away quickly, and when I looked up at him, he looked mad. What a dick. how could he be mad at me?

I looked over at Alice, whose face fell when she saw my eyes wet with tears.

Locker Boy gave us a quick, "Bye, ladies," and as soon as we turned around, Alice started her rant about what an asshole Jacob was.

But I wasn't listening to her. I saw something written on my cup, and quickly read what it was.

_SEE YOU TOMORROW.  
-E_

I checked Alice's and saw nothing written on it. And then I got mad at myself for feeling happy about that.

Ugh, you don't want Locker Boy Cullen! He's fucking annoying! You want Jacob Black. He's the one that's perfect for you. Except I haven't thought too much about Jacob today, compared to the past few months. Maybe I was getting over him! Except I still wanted him...and it still broke my heart to think of him and Victoria together.

I turned to look at Locker Boy before I followed Alice out the door, and couldn't help but smile at him when he waved goodbye.

Then I grimaced at the middle-aged guy waiting for his drink, waving at me. _Ew, not you_.

Hanging out at Alice's house was always the same, and always perfect. We sat around and watched TV, ate food, listened to music, and talked about people and current events and everything in between. I tried to keep the conversation on Jasper today, because for one, I loved seeing Alice happy when she talked about him, and two, whenever we didn't talk about Jasper, she brought up Locker Boy.

I was glad that my dad was asleep by the time I got home, and my mind wandered as always when I tried to go to sleep.

I couldn't wait for Jake and Victoria to break up. I mean, they couldn't stay together forever, right? Right. I know people tell me to just move on, but I can't. This can't be the end. I've already built a connection with him, and aside from the small bump we had in the cafeteria, I know he still wants me. And he didn't actually talk to me during gym, but I didn't feel like talking anyway.

It's weird. When I'm with him, it's easy to act like I don't want him, or to act mean toward him. But when I'm not with him...I literally feel a clawing at my heart when I think of him doing cute things with Victoria. Things we did together, and all the firsts we had together.

I couldn't control the tears that flowed from my eyes this time, and I turned onto my side to keep the bruises on my back from hurting. I was full on sobbing at this point, and it felt good. But when would my pain end? If I wasn't hurting emotionally, I was in physical pain. I felt so drained, and I cried even harder when I realized that the only nice thing that had happened to me today was a note on my Starbucks cup. I wish it was always day time, and that I never had to go to sleep. Even though I got to escape my life when I slept, I could never escape my thoughts when I lay in bed to go to sleep. I didn't know why this whole Jacob situation bothered me so much. People have been in worse situations, and I'm sure they're not sitting there crying their eyes out five months later. And I hate that my mood changes so suddenly. I was fucking fine this morning. And now…I can't even control myself. I'm such a weak person.

I wish I could end all this pain.

I wish, I wish, I wish…

* * *

**Please review and let me know what you think! I know this chapter seemed a bit boring. The party is next :)**


End file.
